Here in suburbia, is this suburbia? I am kind of tossing around fame and fortune. Then a thought occurs. How greedy indeed! Why not be happy with enough. You want a million dollars? You gotta do something for it. What if you didn’t want much? All you really want is a friend you can rely on. That is maybe the hardest to find. Can you really rely on anyone anymore? Who can you call to help you change a tyre? Who will lend you $50 for some cigarettes? Maybe you got no one. Maybe you are worse off than me and have no one and nothing. Maybe you had trauma far worse than me. Maybe you are poorer than me, can barely survive.
Thing is there are many people worse off than I am. I can’t see them, I can’t talk to them, I can’t even help them. I can barely help myself. Some days I can’t even work out what to do, whats direction to head. Least I have a choice! Some people out there have no choices. And I judge people, I argue, I complain like anyone else. In my petty world I am the worse one off. In my small reality I suffer more. It may be true it may not be but someone right now and maybe not just one person is suffering far greater and they will tomorrow and the next day.
I am not saying just sit there thinking about all the terrible things going on to people constantly. I am not saying you have to donate every cent to a charity. I am not saying you can’t enjoy a beer if you need a beer or a movie or a chocolate bar or a haircut its just that if I have the time to write this and you have the time to read it we are doing ok. If we are here together and we feel ok, I feel ok, do you? Well then we are ok for now at least right? It came into my mind that even though my life has had some real shit parts and I have confusion and blah blah blah on and on, that I was laying on my bed, I was fed, I was warm, I was safe enough and I should at least be happy that I had that.
Its just a reminder sometimes that you are actually ok and maybe you don’t realise it. We are caught up in stress and anxiety and worry about so many aspects of life that we don’t always see the freedom we actually have right now to even experience it. If you have time to feel anxious you got time to also feel happy. I could sit here just feeling like shit non stop like I used to if I let myself. I could just complain and get frustrated and cry if I really gave in! Thing is you have no choice but to feel that way some days unless you make small steps to feel better. The hardest part of feeling like crap is feeling better. I know this from experience. Though if you can manage being pro active you can break free slightly. Time really does help you heal as pain subsides but you can speed it up. If you eat better food, exercise and meditate to just name three things that maybe you can do for yourself you will start to notice a shift in mood slowly. If you can do it regularly you will feel better. You just take a small step. Just a small step towards your health. For me I think it is quitting social networks. I can go there and be around it but for what? The online world is not healthy for me or probably anyone these days. Socialising in a virtual space seems to be damaging people. I see people on skateboards texting, on bicycles, walking, driving. We are stuck to our phone, our laptops, our tablets. If you cant even stop riding your bicycle to answer a text what the hell are you doing? If you are driving your car while checking facebook what now? And I have done it. We all have. So I am going to quit my social network. Thats my first healthy step. Whats yours? Next for me is cigarettes. What can you afford to get rid of? What is damaging you?