My Billion Idea’s were Less than a Billion

In this room is a fight. My battle is simple, just to feel alive. With my cigarette and coffee I sit down here and stare. I miss her but will not find her in this life again.

The strangeness happens when I feel at peace, like after recovering from jogging. My mind is less blocked and attached to whatever it seems to belong to.

I have a strong lazy bone, a tiredness. It could be from years of the wrong paths. When I try to produce it is pain, a barrier, something stops me as I push through.

You want to just lay there at peace. In comfort. Easing your bones and relaxing your mind. Thoughts seem to come up and torment you because you haven’t reconciled.

I give myself a good talking to. I make plans. Really I don’t want much more than a lover, to tell my story to. Out there are people, billions, you have to find one that can care.

Friend in Now

I wanted to, tried…
after her word I can’t, not that it is wrong
its just people get involved. Like curses,
like needles in stomaches, a hint.
All those people causing hatred, pushing
it on you for years, blaming you for nothing.
They look you calmly in the eye, don’t they.

You can have what you want, it is fine.
What do you want though, just this time
where your hand plays the games of night,
taking magic into palms like some seed.
You don’t have greed, you have thoughts.
Wake up and start a morning clear
of so many sips and puffs. Forget the hands
on the crutches, slap that frown down and smile.
You can have me for a while!

Sea Them

Reasons
like raisins so easy to consume, excuses
like waves crashing on cash.
The mouths of babes clatter like trash
and tight cheeks know heroine.

All about me is useless to you, friend
or foe its all whales.
Seeking hands off the prize, lies
and lies congratulate the lecture,
where fat men preach like whores.