The strangeness of conscious
is connection. The real thing
is hard to believe. These bits
of pain. Came like a gunshot
to heads. And tails between
legs we run. To the breach
of morals. That reminder
taken. Away and away
we go. Into the darkness
is ego. The wrong choices.
In my mind I just need to remove myself from them. The personality must develop with disintegration. To find a like mind could be near impossible in a world where individuality means rejection of the social norms we are surrounded by. It could take a week, or a month to find freedom from people. Longer for those we’ve known for a long time. They plague our minds with their image and how they harmed us. To move on we must reconcile their subjection, see them for what they are, forgive them for their inadequacy and forget them. We are all mistaken, we all have ego, we all have these ignorant desires that blind us. We seek what we desire and absorb it. Most now in this world seek money. It gives us freedom we think. Freedom from poverty at least not the systems of life or karma. To be free in reality is very different. It is less about money and more about your mind. To be free from guilt, shame, anger, hatred, jealously. That is true freedom.
As I smoke here, the time passes as the clock turns. My guitar seems as if it is haunted by another’s hand. The petty minds behind me I am alone with my weaknesses. I can miss her if I can.
It is though there is satisfaction in silence. The smile is concrete for 20 minutes. I want to describe the experience of being beaten and still having hope of falling in love.
You can devise plans to win over your mind. To tell it you are stronger than a shadow. You are of course much stronger than a feeling though a feeling is easier than knowing what to do about it.
If a glow was to happen and you walked out to the world a million hands would take a piece and run away. Every day we live off each other from selfishness. We cannot maintain our life without someone else giving us what we need.
It is really just about passing the time. You have to get to death. It is coming and you want to be as healthy as you can when it comes.
Look at objects around you, you love and need, or some you despise. Attraction and rejection. The small amount you use is the tip of the iceberg much like your subconscious. In you are methods of subjection. I have had the unconscious swap with my ego as Jung says, the insanity is amountable to terror.
You should fear of course the reality of life in some way. If you realise the dangers you shall try to be safe. Staying away from dark alleys and night clubs where prey lurk. Even a street as pleasant as a church can turn to darkness. Watch your feet in silence as you travel through this space.
It is said there is death of ego. This may not be some pain. It is a closure of anxiety and grasping. It is a release of suffering and harm. Your mind can breathe again in sober moves, towards a tomorrow where influence is not the demon but a moon.
These addictions three
making illness like a knot;
mind tight like screams
in continual thirst.
The plan is reduce
in segments of time
to reach at breaking
the ego from life.
In this room is a fight. My battle is simple, just to feel alive. With my cigarette and coffee I sit down here and stare. I miss her but will not find her in this life again.
The strangeness happens when I feel at peace, like after recovering from jogging. My mind is less blocked and attached to whatever it seems to belong to.
I have a strong lazy bone, a tiredness. It could be from years of the wrong paths. When I try to produce it is pain, a barrier, something stops me as I push through.
You want to just lay there at peace. In comfort. Easing your bones and relaxing your mind. Thoughts seem to come up and torment you because you haven’t reconciled.
I give myself a good talking to. I make plans. Really I don’t want much more than a lover, to tell my story to. Out there are people, billions, you have to find one that can care.
There’s no love in two dimensions with a pixel. Forced into the normal away from trouble are stages I must go through. The craze is over when you realise the company you keep. To go deep is thoughtful and takes that breath. My stubborn nature makes me weak to desire kept on an edge by frames. Why do you stay where the fruitless are, why not shape up and ship out.
If I could tell anyone anything it would be to be careful who you tell. The friends you keep may never give anything you need. Looking back I should have stayed alone sooner. They could have never held my mind for long without my weakness.
It is not as if I am a great master, endowed with secrets of mind and world. Though at some point I realised a basic method which could create the enlightenment.
For in reason it is completely simple, though near impossible to achieve without much effort. The longer you head in a wrong direction the longer it takes to get back.
All in simplicity you could discover that will hold you back from knowing enlightenment is a part of yourself hidden from the eye. The EGO!
For if you can reduce the ego to nothing, to extinguish it completely you will have achieved enlightenment. Without ever reading a book, without ever even contemplating theory in the slightest, you can become enlightened if you can just remove this ego in entirety from your mind.
This is no easy matter as every thought has the possibility of making your ego grow. Any negative thought from intentions of the ego no matter how disguised, if not confronted, will allow the ego free reign to control further your true mind.
The only way possible to stop the growth of ego is a meditative practice. I believe that the actual reason why meditation has been discovered as a practice was a lack of ego in the first place, or rather a confrontation of it resulting in defeat, where the mind stopped gasping and wanting, to have, to own, to fight, to desire, and slowed down, breathed and decided to know itself once more.